All I want for Christmas...

So, everyone had their "wonderful, sappy, thought-provoking" list of what they were thankful for over Thanksgiving. I did not have one such list. Not because I'm a heartless shell of a woman, more because I was stupid busy trying to finish up Fall quarter.

I'm still not done. More grumbling on that soon...

So instead of whatever I'm thankful for, and believe me, it's a lot, I'm making a list of what I want to find under my tree, next to my Menorah, in my wooden clog, or whatever for Christmas. Here we go!:

1) A divorce. I know how jaded this sounds but seriously, Mike and I are separated, we're not getting back together, the only thing keeping us married is $300 and the state of Washington thinking we need three months to "cool off". I think that was pretty much the problem in the first place. So if any of you have an extra $300 lying around that you just don't want...I could put it to good use.

2) A passing grade on my theory paper. Seriously guys, this is a paper for BRIEF therapy, how much expansion do you want?!?! Ugh, I will be so happy when this thing has released me from it's hellish 12 point Times New Roman font APA format 6th edition grip.

GET THEE BEHIND ME SOLUTION-FOCUSED BRIEF THERAPY!!!

3) A potty trained hedgehog. Ok ok ok, I know I can have this if I just put the effort in, but there is a lot of effort involved, and as I've said before, I'm really lazy. Really. Lazy. Squeak managed to pee all over me causing me to nearly drop him, then pee AND POOP on the loveseat causing me to proclaim loud disappointment in my small helpless hedgehog. It was a little traumatizing.

4) Post-it notes. In all sorts of fun colors. Friends, I have become so Type-A that I recently discovered that I go through about 20 post-it notes in any given week. That's a lot of post-it. I have tried to deny and reverse my growing anal-rententiveness, but it's useless. I've learned to let go and love the post-it.

I suppose I should include a picture or two on here eh?

All Squeak wants for Christmas is to not get eaten...

Big Gaps and Mental Breakdowns

It's been awhile since I posted.

Sorry.

This has been the most difficult quarter of school I have ever been lucky to survive. It's like I woke up three weeks ago and said to myself, "Hey, Stephanie, remember that whole grad school thing? Yeah, so that didn't stop while you were sulking for the last two months."

Don't get me wrong, I know my sulking was more than warranted, it was just not as productive to completing a successful quarter as, you know, paying attention.

I've been thinking about Bilbo Baggins a lot lately. Not just because he's a total badass and he looks a tiny bit like Squeak Scolari, but he said something in The Fellowship of the Ring that has been sticking in my head lately. At one point Bilbo talks about feeling like butter spread over too much bread.

I hear ya, hobbit.

Between classes, homework, facebooking, internship, hedgehog maintenance, actually spending time with the people I love, work, sleeping, eating poorly, and Simpsons quoting I find little time to simply breathe.

Or clean my house.

Seriously, it's like a tiny pine tree exploded in here.

Anyway I came to the conclusion that something had to drop. Since I've kinda gotten attached to Squeak (Even though he can be a little bitch...), and I'm clearly not going to stop obsessively facebook stalking people, so out of the legit chunks of my life occupying my time (school, work, internship) work is the only one I can cut out.

I don't like this option for several reasons. I like having money, I have a little and I'd like more of it. I LOVE 95% of my customers (especially the ones who read this blog!) and I love my coworkers even more...It's just absolutely the only thing I can drop. I could financially handle quitting altogether but I'm not ready to do that yet, I just need a break. I want to love coming to work and I'm starting to lose that.

And I'm starting to lose my sanity. As entertaining as it is to break down into a smoldering pile of emotional vomit, I think I'll retain what semblance of mental stability. Soooo you'll see me donning a green apron around March.

How apropos. :)

Anyway! Today was a day filled with absolutely nothing...well, it was filled with reading, Glee, ordering books and this:

 It should be noted that this was at 10AM

There was a lot of Arrested Development too, I was supposed to spend the day doing these things on a boat, but apparently the boat was not up to snuff for a classy lady such as me. Oh well, hopefully I'll have my laztboatventure soon.

Oh, this happened today too. Turns out Squeak really likes rolling my DVD remote around on the floorton. He did this for a solid 20 minutes...

I thought I was done fighting for the remote...

He quickly got distracted by some dried bananas...

Hey look, fruit!!

Second Try...Now I'm just Cranky

This was the beginning of "Revenge of the DuCette" night

I don't remember too much beyond this.

Soo...I wrote this awesome post about labels, how I feel about them and how fluid they are in my life right now.

And it deleted. 

I don't have the energy to rewrite it, so I'll take it as a sign that it was a subpar post and move onward! I think today is a list day.

Things about this weekend:

     I signed the divorce papers. I will be Miss Stephanie DuCette in three months

     I'm surprisingly ok with this fact

     I am surprisingly not ok with how upset I am at the loss of the future I was planning. I'm not even joking guys, I want kids, like, three weeks ago.

seriously, I almost put this baby in my purse and ran off with him

Now before you get your panties or boxers all in a twist or whatever, I'm not actively trying to have a baby. I more or less want the situation to provide giving that baby the most kick-ass life possible. I know that wasn't going to happen for awhile, but "awhile" has been pushed back substantially.

As per signing the papers, I was taken out by my friends for "Revenge of the DuCette" night. 

Apparently I had a great time, I don't remember a whole lot of it

Poor adult choices in life include not getting enough sleep/sobriety before having to work after "Revenge of the DuCette" night at 5AM

That really, really, really sucked.

One should not watch Paranormal Activity when one lives next to train tracks

A happenstance jaunt to Scarecrow video provided me the opportunity to become the proud owner of seasons one and two of The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

I'm already planning a marathon once classes are over

HARRY POTTER IS IN 2 DAYS

OH MY GOD HARRY POTTER IS IN 2 DAYS!!!!!

Oh, and I want these in my life:

So...cute...and tasty!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

This is the blog entry of a lot of pictures.

I have a new haircut.

Squeak has a new home.

I've been thinking about how to put how I'm dealing with everything into words. I experience my pain like standing on a beach in the storm. I love being on the beach and experiencing the sand, the water, the smells, the discovery of little shells stretched out waiting to be found. There are bright, sunny days that make everything about the beach come alive and make you never want to forget that moment. There are also storms that blow through and leave varying degrees of destruction in their path. Both are necessary to fully appreciate the other and value life. 

Right now, I am in the middle of a monsoon. School and internship are like the constant rain that causes stress on my body, but I have adjusted to them. Work is like a wind that gusts on occasion but can be enjoyable to feel push against my body. The divorce? That is like strong, heavy waves that pound against me in a completely unpredictable fashion. I'll get struck by something that causes an initial, stinging reaction that completely knocks me over. I quickly become saturated by the freezing wetness of this wave and it consumes every part of my body and mind. The only thing I can focus on is how utterly cold and wet I am. Eventually I am able to adjust to the condition and make my way further along the beach but then, once I forget a little what that experience felt like, I get smacked again by another wave. It feels slightly different, I'm further down the beach and the water does not feel or taste the same, but the pain is so similar I don't care. Sometimes the monsoon lets up, sometimes the winds die down, sometimes there's even a sun break, but it's still a monsoon. They don't let up after a few days, monsoons take a long time to run their course before the weather starts to make a more permanent turn.

Woah, that was heavy. I feel like I should lighten the mood a little...

OH Squeak and I spend a solid three hours in bed yesterday watching Grey's Anatomy, he loves the crazy antics of those Seattle Grace interns. He even licked my hand.

Baby steps

This is what bonding looks like...

Don't KISS the Hedgehog!

Hello blog, it's been too long.

I'm coming out the other side. While Squeak is in a bit of arrested development, I am "processing" and "feeling" and "dealing with the situation" and whatever people say about figuring out your life after a divorce. It has happened quickly, but I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm finding a lot of fun things about being a single lady...

like having a huge bed

and closet space

and cheaper food bills

and complete choice in movies

and free drinks :)

and relating to Beyonce on a completely deeper level (I WILL put my hands up!)

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but then again neither am I (despite popular belief). I like my life right now. There are things that I miss and relationships that aren't the same, but I like things the way they are. 

I bought Squeak a new hedgehome. I hope he likes it, he's so much bigger than I thought he would be, I want him to be able to run around with some semblance of freedom...

...but not too much or he'll get stuck in a hideyhole that I don't want to have to deal with getting him out of.

I promise he has eyes

More to come, I promise I'll update more, I still have 3 more weeks of class :)

Good Things, Things That are Good

I don't have the energy to post a lengthy blog entry so it's list time.

I like lists :)

Here are things that I have been liking lately:

* Running in the sunshine on crunchy, crunchy leaves

* Touching Squeak Scolari with no gloves

* Mario Kart (I still think I'm pretty good)

* Skinny jeans (I was resistant, but I adore them now.)

* Elysian Night Owl ale (Seriously, guys, it tastes like you're at Hogwarts.)

* "Iced Aged Sulawesi Clover brewed coffee".

Here are things that Squeak Scolari likes:

* My old bathtowel

* Mealworms and cat food

That's about it. Seriously.

Oh, my birthday is next week. I think this is the first year since I had cognition that my birthday was equivalent to a national holiday that I haven't had a twenty-two day countdown. There is good reason for this. I'm looking forward to my birthday but I'm expecting it to be bittersweet. I know Mike won't be there, but I also know my friends will be. 

My manager keeps saying it could be the best birthday ever.

I'm hoping it'll just be good  :)

said bath towel

Caution: Hedgehogs Have Quills

Hi, I'm Stephanie.

Welcome to my little slice of the internet, an interslice if you will. Things in my life are a little on the chaotic side right now. If it were a game, it would be Boggle. And I'm not talking about the nice letters all landed and still while the players find words. I'm talking about the loud, rattling, utterly spastic part when the player shakes up the box.

I have referred to myself on more than one occasion as a "hot mess".

I suppose I should give some background information to catch the tens of readers that might stumble across this page. I am in the middle of a divorce. It is probably the cleanest, least emotionally volatile divorce in the history of failed marriages, but it still hurts like hell. I will probably refer to my (soon to be ex) husband as "He Who Shall Not Be Named" but that's a bitch to type, so I'll probably just get lazy and call him Mike. Also due partially to this debilitating laziness, but mostly due to the fact that I love where I live, I am keeping the apartment we rented together.

It's weird being there by myself.

This is where this guy comes in

This is Squeak Scolari (thumbs up for getting the reference). He's my new roommate. So far being alone is kinda scary and lonely so I got a little buddy to help make it less scary and lonely.

Lucky for me, he's terrified of everything. I managed to get a hedgehog with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (300.02, kiddos!). Good on me. I've heard this reaction is temporary so I'm hoping this is more of an Adjustment Disorder with anxiety thing (309.24, kiddos!) and he'll feel more comfortable over the next couple of weeks.

But this is where the weblog comes in. This is my place to write about redefining who I am as a person...while learning to take care of a hedgehog. I'm adjusting, he's adjusting, the tens of you can adjust with us!

Happy reading!