Songs and Such

I thought I was getting over these "bad divorce days" but here we are. 11AM still in bed with the hedgehog.

At least I don't have a beer.

Yet.

I've been thinking lately, there are a lot of songs I've been coming across of as of late that strike that one chord and make that nearly forgotten about lump in my throat that I thought I'd learned to manage, but here we are. In bed. at 11. So, I'm not feeling very creative about this, and there's no discernible order, I've just been milling it around in my head for awhile so I thought I'd get it out, and just cry for a majority of my day. 

Bring on the pain!!

1) King of Wishful Thinking:

"I'll get over you I know I will/I'll pretend my ships not sinking/And I'll tell myself I'm over you/cause Im the king of wishful thinking"

How apropos...I know this is a cheezy 80's song but I love it and the upbeat nature almost makes up for the fact that the lyrics are heartbreaking. This is a New Found Glory cover, I couldn't find a youtube of the original with the lyrics in the video.

2) Take it all Away (Cake):

"You keep pushin' me away/In spite of what you say/I found out yesterday /That I've/Been wastin' all my time/Tryin' to make you smile/Tryin' to make this seem worth while/You've been pushin' me around/In spite of/what I do/Tryin' to make things good for you"

A lyric from this song ("Go, take your economy car and your suitcase...") was actually the facebook post I made after Mike physically left me. I've listened to a lot of Cake and they have a lot of good breakup songs but this one just tops it for me.

3) Hung Up (Madonna)

"Every little thing that you say or do/I'm hung up/I'm hung up on you/Waiting for your call baby night and day/I'm fed up/I'm tired of waiting on you"

I'm not a patient person. Anyone who's known me for more than five minutes will learn this. I HATE waiting for calls or plans or texts. This has been an issue for me in the last two relationships I've been in. I'm also not a huge Madonna fan, but I heard this on my Pandora mix and it's been in my head ever since.

4) Go Your Own Way (Fleetwood Mac)

"If I could/Maybe I'd give you my world/How can I/When you won't take it from me"

I've heard this song a lot, it's one of my favorites, but I'd always hoped it would never apply to me. The lyrics are so simple and Stevie Nicks' voice is so emotive; I'd felt like she let me empathize with her but I never ever wanted to sympathize. But, here we are.

I feel ya, Stevie.

5) The Cave (Mumford and Sons)

"So make your siren's call/And sing all you want/I will not hear what you have to say/Cause I need freedom now/And I need to know how/To live my life as it's meant to be"

I have NO idea what the band was intending when they wrote this song but I could have put every lyric on here, it makes so much sense. I actually dubbed this my "divorce song". I would burst into tears when I heard it, I can pretty much listen to it now, but these lovely Scottish men basically sang everything I've been thinking in lovelier words.

And banjos. Squeak digs the banjo.

6) The Story (Brandi Carlile)

"And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed/They don't know my head is a mess/No, they don't know who I really am/And they don't know what I've been through like you do/And I was made for you..."

This is a beautiful love song. It's definitely not a breakup song, but it hits me like a suckerpunch every time I hear it (THANK YOU, Grey's Anatomy). This is what I want SO badly, and I thought I had it. I want someone to sing this to, and to mean it. I don't believe in soul mates, at least not anymore, but I want someone who knows what I've been through and still loves me in spite of it.

Good God I want that.

7) Someone Like You (Adele)

"Never mind I'll find someone like you/I wish nothing but the best for you two/Don't forget me I beg/I remember you said/"Sometimes it lasts in love/But sometimes it hurts instead.""

Holy God that song hurts. and I KEEP GOD DAMN HEARING IT EVERYWHERE!!! (THANK YOU Starbucks AND Grey's Anatomy)

The last two men I loved left because they didn't want to be in a relationship. One of them now is. But the last two lines are so painfully true and it makes me so terrified to open up my heart again. I can't really say much more than this. song. just. hurts.

8) You Oughta Know (Alanis Morrisette) 

"And I'm here to remind you/Of the mess you left when you went away/It's not fair to deny me/Of the cross I bear that you gave to me/You, you, you oughta know"

Oh come on, you all knew this was coming. Granted I didn't have Uncle Joey leave me for someone older and less angsty (and probably less Canadian) than me, but I can completely relate with wanting to tell someone off when they completely screwed you over. In both of my breakups I've done my best to "be the bigger person" and, while I don't regret my choices, there are times when I would really like to say something like "Hey, I'm an awesome person and you are a Goddamn idiot for letting me go and I hope your life sucks and I hope you miss me because I am worth being missed" and other such things. 

But I don't.

Because I know in the long run it won't help.

And I can't whine as good as Alanis.

Well, that's the list. There are more, trust me, and I'm sure new one's will surface (I'm lookin' at YOU, Adele), but right now, I need a beer.