Dating Websites

Guys, dating sites are weird...seriously.

Back when mammoths roamed the Earth (Seeing as though I wasn't dating QUITE as far back as when Velociraptors were a feasible death option.) and I was last a blushing lass accepting favors from gentlemen callers, online dating was a taboo.

Ok it was only eight years ago or so, but seriously, if you met someone online, you were flat out weird. People would receive similar looks and placating responses to this option then as they would to finding out a relationship blossomed through World of Warcraft now.

Don't act like you didn't just make that slightly disgusted face, I know you did.

Anyway, so I know sites like okcupid and eharmony are well respected ways to meet viable stock, I'm just having a tough time reconciling the "weird" factor in my head and the "totally cool and acceptable" reality that every single person I've shared my repulsion with thinks.

Long story short, I have joined the following dating websites:

OkCupid
eharmony
plentyoffish
ChristianMingle

Plenty of Fish can only be described as the myspace of dating websites. It could also be described as the douchey frat-bar of dating websites. I liken my experience, messages, and "matches" to the kind of guy you see at a bar that has 20 taps of delicious microbrew and who swaggers up with his pink popped collar and his spiked-frosted hair drinking Bud Light out of an aluminum bottle saying "Hey babe you look hot, wanna hook up?".

I kid you not, I looked this up AFTER making the description

Gross. I should really delete my profile.

Christian Mingle is nice, and it takes care of one of my core requirements to be the next Mr. DuCette which is being computer literate. Haha just kidding, it's being a Christian, although I'd be a little concerned if my next husband didn't know how to use facebook. I don't have much to say about this site because I haven't spent a whole lot of time on it. I made the initial investment, answered all the little "matchy" questions and got all nice and set up. Oh hey there Christian Mingle, you have matches for me? Thanks! That's so sweet of you to do that work for me! Oh, you're gonna let me check them out? Awesome! Hey, this guy looks nice, I'll just send him a little message and --YOU MUST UPGRADE AND PAY 8 MILLION DOLLARS OR YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD TO PROCEED -- dumb. Christian Mingle, YOU are the so so sweet, good natured Christian tease that I was in high school.

Karma's a bitch.

I just signed up for eharmony and it isn't too bad so far. I sank a bunch of money into it for the next six months so I guess I have to like it at least a little. My only problem with it so far is that, while it is matching me up with Christian men, they are very very Christian. Maybe this just looks a little intimidating in text but someone saying "I want a woman who is passionate about Christ above all else" is a little bit intimidating. Maybe we want the same things, I just don't word them so... exuberantly? Plus I'm supposed to have "guided conversation" for the first few interactions. STOP MAKING ME EXHIBIT PATIENCE EHARMONY!!!

I'm not a patient lady.

Now comes OkCupid. This is the site I've been with the longest and had some mild success with. It's free (bonus), it matches you with people, and it also lets you search for people that YOU might think you match with. Thank you, OkCupid for letting me think for myself, love Stephanie. Now I've actually gone on dates with two guys I met from this site. One was pretty successful. I've had two dates with this guy and he seems nice and I'm excited to get to know him better. Oh, and he has an accent which is always a plus :). The other guy was picture perfect on paper. He is a Christian and involved with his church, he's funny, he wants to settle down and have kids in the relative near future, he's good looking, he is perfect on paper. The date? It was fun, low-key, I enjoyed myself, but there just wasn't that spark that I was hoping for. This is my growing fear with online dating and maybe dating in general, what looks good on paper doesn't always translate to a good date. I wanted to like this guy SO badly, but you can't make that happen, even if you try really really hard.

My life would be so much easier if I could just be logical. Stupid emotions.

Anyway, I'll wrap up because this is getting long-winded but I wanna close with just a simple list of things I've noticed about guys on dating websites:

1) All the wittiest guys are athiest. I cannot TELL you how frustrating it is to look at a funny, clever, well-written profile and then BAM, athiest.

2) I don't care how hot you are, I don't want to know what you look like shirtless before I meet you. I don't know why but this is an insta-turnoff for me.

3) Please don't message me simply saying "you're cute" or especially "you're sexy". It's not flattering, it's just awkward.

4) Most importantly, please, PLEASE be honest about your height. If you're shorter than me, yeah I probably won't want to date long term (I know how shallow this sounds, but just let me have it), but it will be 10 times worse if I find out about it when I have to look down to you after you've told me you're 6'0".

Ohhhh what an adventure this will be...